перевод

[aptsvet]

the rabbit

it is dark there
but we are collecting our toys we aren't scared
well maybe just a tiny bit
they promised there will be nothing there
to be scared of

we are collecting our dolls and teddies
and all the toy cars even the broken ones
because we feel sorry for them
we are collecting the scattered puzzle pieces
there's one under the bed but it is dark there
better not to look for it

the puzzle pieces when collected correctly
make pictures a squirrel
a ball or a funny clown
but they say we have no time anymore
and so we are collecting them any old way
it is just that the rabbit is nowhere to be found
the one with an ear torn away
no one has played with it recently

they say there's no need
we will not play where we are going
but how do they know they hurry us up
and we are doing our best but why
don't they have time for us anymore
what have they done with all our time

they say we mustn't be scared but we know
it will be dark there all the time
perhaps we are scared after all
but no one wants to start bawling first
there will be no stopping us then

well here it is the doggone rabbit
how stupid of me not to have noticed
they shouldn't say we don't need it anymore
there where we are all going
where are we all going

Comments

[nowinter.livejournal.com]

забавно все же, что последний повтор в русском - только намек на вопрос
это теряется в английском и на мой взгляд теряет некоторый оттенок приглушенного страхом бормотания

[aptsvet.livejournal.com]

Ровно наоборот, в английском все абсолютно ясно, а в русском теряется из-за отсутствия жесткого порядка слов и вопросительного знака.

[aptsvet.livejournal.com]

А с другой стороны, может вы и правы. Но тут фокус не в специфике английского, а в том, что я опускаю знаки препинания, и в русском это иногда создает больше неясности, чем в английском.

[nowinter.livejournal.com]

просто мне это очень нравится
я думал, Вы так намеренно делаете - и в этом, и в других местах